Bad Weekend.

It has been a horrible couple of weeks but this weekend especially has been difficult. Luke fell in the bathtub and hit the spout chipping his front tooth, poor baby. Then on Sunday afternoon Luke fell down a flight of stairs...he wasn't injured just really shaken.

I called in sick to work today because Luke had been up all night screaming, So I'll need to work 10 hour days the rest of the week to meet my required hours.

Financially I'm struggling, I have been trying to save up an Emergency fund but things keep coming up that require me to dip in that little bit of savings I have built up, ugh...I just need a little break here.

Aside from his recent injuries Luke is doing well, talking up a storm saying things like ,"Juice" when he wants a drink and "Teeth" when he wants to brush his teeth (For some odd reason Luke loves brushing his teeth.) He's also starting to combine word into short sentences, er well phrases, like "Go Walk?" Its so cute and also very helpful to know exactly what he wants, instead of guessing.

He's also picked up this habit of when he wants something, he'll grab your hand and guide you to whatever he wants.

Ch..ch..changes!

I was recently moved from the Collections Department where I've worked since April of 2008 to Student Loans, right now it's a temporary position that will last 2 weeks but according to my new temporary supervisor it could be stretched out even longer, maybe even permanently! So far I really like Student Loans, there is only 4 hours of required phone time and unlimited overtime even when the other departments are reducing hours. I really would like to move departments if they let me.

Stressed to the max.

I am flipping out. My poor little mind is working in overrdrive figuring out how on earth I am going to meet all of my financial obligations. My employer has started reducing hours for most employees, so I am really struggling to figure out how I will pay my bills. I have done the math and I will have just enough to pay my bills but I will only have about $24 left to my name after they are paid. SO FAR, reduced hours are only going to last 2 months, so 4 pay periods, but really who knows what is going to happen, ya know?

This whole situation has really brought home the fact I need an emergency fund, I know that if I had even a little cash in the bank I wouldn't be as freaked as I am right now. I consider myself an honorable person, I made a promise in the form of a legal contract to repay my debtors and to pay certain people for services rendered(cell phone, childcare) and the thought of not being able to pay them kills me. 

So far I have put my paychecks on tax exempt for the next 2 months, so that I can still afford to make all my payments and keep Luke's health insurance. I was going to cancel my cell service, and still might, but the Early Termination Fee is $215 so I'll have to save up and continue  pay the month bill until I can afford to make essentially a triple payment at which point I will have to look into either a prepaid cell phone or go completely cell-less.

Hopefully this truly is just a short term issue, I can survive short term but if it drags on...I won't make it.

Little Update

So I splurged a little bit and bought my FICO score, sad but true  you have to pay to find out your credit score, and I'm much better off than I thought.  With Transunion my FICO is 757 and with Equifax my score is 747, well within the "Excellent Credit" range. Yes my score could be higher, the highest possible is 850, however I have what is known as a "short file" meaning simply I haven't had credit very long but that makes since as I am only 22 years old. I am definitely genuinely excited by this.

I am more commited to building up my savings than ever, I am determined to be a homeowner by the time I am 30 years old. Ideally I'd like to have my own place by the time Luke is in Kindergarten but I will give myself a bigger window so that I don't feel to let down if it doesn't happen by then. 

According to my calculations I can have a 20% down payment (roughly $40,000) saved within 6 years if I just stick to my guns.

More.

I am determined to get myself out of this financial rut I have been in for the past month or so. I have set up a "high yield" savings account so that I can have my savings out of sight and out of mind because I always end up using what ever small amount I put into my CU savings account. 

My hope is that by depositing just $25 per paycheck and having my future tax refunds deposited there that I can save a sizeable down payment for a house by the time Luke is 5 years old (6 at the latest). I really have to learn to put my ultimate long term goals ahead of what I want here  and now. I realized yesterday that I will never reach that goal if I don't work toward it now.  

I am also working toward paying down my debt including my car loan, I only have one credit card of about $2500 and the car which is about $8400 so I should have them both paid in full in no more than 24 months. I really want a new car but I know that taking on more debt is just stupid and will only prevent me from reaching my ultimate goal of being a homeowner.

In my own childhood I watched my mother struggle with debt, she makes a lot of money but spends much more. I saw how harmful debt can be,yet I find my self making the same awful mistakes... justifying buying something when even in my heart I know that I shouldn't, that I cannot afford it. It stops now.

Getting on Track,

So I don't know where my money went, seriously. I paid off all of my CC's then decided to buy a laptop on my Discover card so I know why I'm in debt to them but I cannot account for why my checking account has been so low the last few pay periods..I haven't over drafted but I have gotten down to having only $6.00 in the week leading up to payday. Not fun. I have resolved to end this cycle here and now though. I am setting up a Balance Transfer from my MACU credit card to Discover so I can have just one bill instead of 2, easier for me to wrap my head around, and will be closing that account (MACU credit card) ASAP! Then I am going to be paying all of my bills bi-weekly (half each pay-period) so the payments are more manageable.  I have also heard that you pay less in Finance charges that  way, but even if I don't it will be nice just having a more manageable payment schedule.

Also, I opened a ING Direct High Yield Savings account, where I will have my direct deposit set up to  deposit $25 per payperiod. This is going to be my Emergency fund.. for times like now when things I should have anticipated sneak up on me at my most cash strapped moments. I figure I can have $425 saved up by the end of the year if I just keep it on auto-pilot with my direct deposit. Hopefully I can steadily increase the amount I contribute over time.

I don't like being broke, thankfully I can pay all of my bills but I just have very little to spare... enough to get gas to get to work and back.  That is going to change.

On another note, The recession is starting to hit home. My employer is now laying off employees and reducing hours for everyone else. It sucks but at least I have a job. 

Plan of attack.

I really just need to build up an E-fund, but that's difficult to do as I don't have many set expenses yet I always seem to be living paycheck to paycheck. I have the car payment $300/month and the cell phone about $120/ month. I have daycare which is 160 every 2 weeks but that would be null if I lost my job. I figure I spend about $100 on gas each month, I don't really track this though and I have NO IDEA WHATSOEVER about what I spend on Groceries and the like. I guess that should be my first goal, track expenses and find out what I spend in each area on average each month. I also need to pay off my discover card and close my overdraft protection, so that I don't have to worry about accidentally spending more than I have.

More later.

Scared.

I have been sick this week, stay-in-bed all day wanna die sick. I missed 3 days of work because of this illness, thankfully I have PTO to cover my missed hours so I won't be thrown into financial crisis but I have missed a lot of work and I know my boss's are upset. I was supposed to work Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday..I called in for Wednesday and Thursday and thought I could handle working Saturday, I got all the way there when I realized I just.could.not.do.it, so I had to go explain to the coverage manager that I didn't feel well and needed to leave. I feel like such a fool I was there, in the department and early asking to leave. I just worry about getting fired, in such a turbulent economy one can't be to careful. All the way home I felt guilty and worried sick about what I would do if I lost my job due to missing so much work. I would have to cancel my Cell phone service, no big deal. But I would also have to surrender my car(i.e., have it voluntarily repossesed.) I really shouldn't be worried but that's never stopped me before. I am a good employee, usually on-time (I'd say 98% of the time I'm early.) so this worry is really pointless but I need to get my act together, have a plan of attack if Heaven-forbid I lost my job.

Icky-Sicky

First Luke, now me. We have the same thing,well we had the same thing, Luke is all better now and I just got it. I gotta say my tough little 14 month old took a lot better than I am, I'm miserable.

Angry

I just want to be angry. I haven't really gone out since my son was born, nowadays going out means a 1 hour lunch with a girlfriend, that's it. So for my 22nd birthday which is coming up on April 10th I asked my dad if he'd take Luke for a long weekend. Sure, no problem so we settled on April 24-28th and I pulled all the strings to get my Paid Time Off (PTO from here on out) approved. Well, tonight at family dinner I mentioned to my dad that I was able to get the PTO for that weekend. He was like "I'm going out of town that weekend." he didn't even remember our conversation, I was so shocked that I didn't even think to say "But, you said you'd take Luke that weekend???" so I'm just waiting for him to switch his calendar over to April and see where he wrotedown Luke on all of those days, which I watched him do when we discussed it almost a month ago!!!

I'm just upset, I worked so hard to get the PTO approved and was looking so forward to pretending to be a carefree 22 year old and now, as much as I love my son, I will be spending the entire weekend at home changing diapers and doing laundry( or some other mundane household task).

Oh well that's parenthood for ya.

Yet another reason to homeschool.

In California thousands of teachers are preparing for pink slip friday. The state is facing a massive shortfall in it's budget, with holding tax refunds and now ordering the department of education to take 8 billion dollars in budget cuts. What that means is that 26,000 teaching positions are being cut plus an additional 15,000 janitors and bus drivers! Classes that do not have a minimum of 36 students are being cut!! THIRTY SIX kids to one teacher, that is insane.

I still have a while before I have to really think about how Luke will be schooled but I guarantee if the situation is still the same, it won't be question at all.

Entries

I have so many entries written up in my notebook just waiting for me to sit down and type them out, not stupid little blurbs like my last few posts but real meaningful thoughts. I've been contemplating having another child, deciding whether to try and homeschool my son or pay for private school, work life, family.

So much has happened that I feel I need to get out of my system but I cannot find the time, Luke is so active now and needs so much supervision ( he's going through a klutzy phase) that sitting down and typing up 5 loooong posts is just not going to happen.

Baby Fever

I've got it bad. Several of my work friends are pregnant and seeing all of these pregnant women around me makes me yearn for a little kick inside my belly, I'll gladly take the painfully engorged breasts and weight gain if it means I get to have another little one.

Day Light Savings

Sucks.
I absolutetly hate this, it is about 5:50 and I'm not even close to ready to sleep. I normally get ready for bed, bathe or whatever and get Luke's stuff ready for the next day about this time. Except, my body isn't used to this.. I haven't adjusted yet.

I'll spend the next few weeks staying up later than I should and then feeling drained the next morning when I try to wake up for work. Day Light Savings sucks.

Emergency Preparedness,

How long could you survive? How long could you live off what is already stored in your home?

In this time of economic uncertainty it only makes sense to do whatever you can now, while you have the means to do so, rather than waiting until it's too late. I'm not going to go into get up on my soapbox for too long, I'm just going to leave y'all with this question... Are you prepared?

I am not prepared, there are many items that need purchasing and many little details that need sorting out. I need to write my will and ask certain people to act as my son's guardian. I need to begin saving an emergency fund while still paying down my last remaining debt as quickly as possible. I need to also begin to stock non-food essentials ASAP.... diapers anyone?

Debt free at last!

My Federal tax refund was deposited into my checking account this morning, so I hurried to pay off my last 2 unsecured debts.

I had a very disappointing conversation with a Chase Mastercard Customer Service rep, I just jumped online and paid my current balance since she refused to give me a Pay-in-full quote that would take into account the finance charges that accrue daily so I assume I'll have to call back in 2 weeks to have the residual finance charges waived.

Discover card was great though, the rep was kind and personable. She got all of my concerns handled in a quick manner and gave me the exact amount required to pay off in full without residual finance charges. That's the kind of service that will keep me coming back to Discover card.


But despite the disappointment I experienced with Chase today is a great day, I'm debt free at last!

Just For Cuteness Sake

From Luke's birth 13 months ago..

Awww, I miss my wittle-bitty boy.

Grandpa with his Lukey.

That much closer

I paid off 2 of my 4 unsecured debts, my Signature loan and my Credit card both through my credit union, leaving me with just 2 more debts to pay with my tax refund. I am so happy, I will have fewer bills to pay,less stress, and more disposable income each month. CreditKarma.com predicts that my FICO score will jump up 50 points to 700 when they're all paid, which means that next time I need to take out credit I will get a better rate and much less hassle.

By having fewer monthly expenses the idea of Luke and I getting our own place is starting to become a reality. I am going to use some of the left-over refund, after I buy clothes, to buy household items. I'm so very excited.

Goals

I have been thinking seriously for a while about moving out of my mother's home. It's not a bad situation that we have to get out of it's just time for Luke and I to be independent. I feel like I'm in a place where I can handle truly being a single mother without the constant help of my mother. With this years refund I will be financially able to move out because I won't have quite so many monthly expenses, but I don't have all the housewares I would need. So, I think I'm going to try to buy the necessities little by little this year and maybe at the end of the year or beginning of next Luke and I will be ready to move out. I figure that I should also save up an e-fund prior to the move so that a suprise expense doesn't mean we gotta move, ya know?

What the...

So I received an Email today saying that I needed to go down to Human resources and pick up a "manual check" and I've been racking my brain ever since trying to think of what it could possibly be for? I know that I haven't been underpaid, if anything overpaid, and I don't qualify for any reimbursements from DFSI.

So what could it be?

* Underpaid in previous paycheck? It's unlikely but still possible
* Deducted too much for health insurance premiums? I did get a $120 credit for the premiums this year from DFSI in a drawing.

Well that's really all I can think it could be, I guess I'll just have to wait until Monday morning at 8:30 am to find out for sure.

Just Keeps Getting Better

Thank goodness my CPA double checks her figures before submitting my taxes.. She found another deduction that boosted my overall refund from $4300 to $5000! YAY!

Falling Together!

My life is really starting to fall together. In just a few short weeks I will be debt free, I'm just waiting on my CPA to check her figures before submitting my tax return, and I will have a GOOD credit score of about 700 or so.

I feel like everything is starting to go my way finally. I'm doing well at work, I have a good job that provides awesome benefits, I am almost out of debt and most importantly I am finally enjoying motherhood. I feel horrible admitting I didn't enjoy being a mom for much of the past year, I felt more like a chaffeur than a mom and I never got to have quality time with my son. I'm finally working a schedule that allows me that quality time with my son and I gotta say this kid is a blast!


G'night!

Tax Refund!

So I just heard back from my CPA, my tax refund both State and Federal comes to about $4300!! That is far more than I had anticipated and will actually pay off all of my unsecured debts, leaving only my car loan to pay on, and also give me a bit extra to buy the new clothing I so desperately need.

I'll break it down a little for ya...
he
Signature loan: $150
Credit Card A: $300
Credit Card B: $1300
Credit Card C: $2000

Total: $3750

According to my math that leaves just about $550 after all my bills are paid to go out and buy some clothing.
I know that seems very silly, I pay off all of my unsecured debt and then go buy clothing?? But, ohh if you could only see me, I am so ashamed of the way I look when I go to work. I see all these girls my age all dolled up and looking great, nevermind that it's only 6 am and the sun isn't even up! Then there's me.. I look like total white trash, not because I don't try but rather that my clothing was poorly-made and is now ragged looking that it tends to overshadow everything else about me, in fact when I try to doll myself up with a little makeup here and there I think I actually look worse because I look like somebody who's trying too hard.

More later, gotta sleep

No Spend 2010

I ran across a post on Mothering dot Commune suggesting a No Spend Year, I love the idea! However, I am not in a position to commit to the plan this year, there are many items that I urgently need to replace as I fell into the trap of buying cheaply-made items because they cost less, however that poor quality just ensures that I'll have to replace that item much sooner than I would have otherwise. So this year I am working on replacing all my poor quality items with high-quality items that I am sure will last longer, even if it does cost more up front.

Also, Luke is just growing so dang fast that I am having trouble getting clothes that fit him before he goes up another size! I am hoping to take advantage of end-of-season sales this year to get Luke's clothing for next year all stocked up.

I hope to make 2010 my No Spend Year!

Here are the rules I currently have decided upon for No Spend 2010.

What doesn’t count.
Food
Medical expenses( co-pays , prescriptions, etc. as necessary).
Regular car maintenance
Socks, undergarments, and shoes as necessary.
Current bills, I will meet the obligations I currently have but will not take on anymore.

* I know that there will be things, or situations, that do not fall into one of the above categories that would still be considered essential/necessary… I leave this as the placeholder for those unforeseen items*

I will not buy anything for Myself and my son that doesn’t fall into one of the above categories, unless essential/necessary and even then will strive to get them free or used before buying new.
The ultimate goal of my No Spend 2010 is to save enough for a down payment on a home or condo.

Ideas for saving more:
Visit the library
Take advantage of Free-days at Zoos, Museums, and the like.
Ask for Gift cards for Birthdays and Holidays, I have no qualms about spending someone else’s money.
Live off our Year’s Supply.


Visit my new blog, No Spend 2010, to follow as I gear up and embark on the no spend year challenge.

Unassisted Childbirth

I have wanted to have an unassisted childbirth long before Luke was even conceived and even more so now that I've had a child. Luke's birth wasn't a bad experience by any means, I don't have anything negative to say about the hospital or the doctors.

I simply didn't like the fact that I was dependant on the goodwill of others for such basic things like getting my baby back from the nursery and leaving the hospital..Just ask my mom about that second one.

I beleive that birth is an intimate event, just as the conception was. I want to be in my home, where I am free to labor and birth as I wish, without having to explain myself to anyone or ask permission. I don't want to bundle up my child and drive home in the mid-day traffic 3 days post-partum.. I want to be home in the comfort and quiet of my own home from the start.

I also hope to UP, as I felt that all the visits were pretty much useless. I never heard back about a single one of the dozens of tests that were administered. I beleive that a healthy lifestyle and good ol' fashioned intuition is the best way to grow a healthy baby.

I am not anti-doctor, most of my family is in the medical professional. I simply don't beleive in handing over my pregnancy and well-being to the care of another, I beleive in being involved and making decisions for myself.

Luke's Birth Story

Luke Charles Kincaid

was born Wednesday January 16, 2008 at 5:53 am

Weighing 7lbs 7oz and measuring 19 inches long

I had an OB appointment on January 14th, where Dr. Lamb preformed and internal exam and informed me that I was 1.5 centimeters dialated and was having contractions, I didn't feel anything! I left the appointment excited but knew it could still be days or even a couple more weeks before "baby boy" arrived.

I went home and packed my hospital bag and finally called the hospital to pre-register, thinking/hoping that it would happen soon. It didn't.... nothing happened all day!

Later that evening I noticed a small amount of bloody show which is a sign that the cervix is beginning to dialate. I called into work and let them know I wouldn't be there tomorrow. Nothing more happened, but I just couldn't sleep at all that night.

I really don't remember what I did the next day (Jan. 15) until about 6pm when my mom left for work at St. Marks Hospital, where she is a Clinical Coordinator, which is just fancy speak for head RN. Shortly after my mom left for work I had 1 hard, double-over-in-pain contraction and my water broke. I had secretly been desiring an unassisted childbirth (UC) so I hopped in to the tub hoping that would ease the pain...it didn't.

Oddly enough, I don't recall having distinct contractions but rather just one long painful ache that never subsided.

I decided that I couldn't do it and called my mom at work to come get me and drive me up to the hospital where she works, around maybe 7:30pm? Mom came home and got me about 8pm and we made it back to St. Marks around 8:30. My older sister, Sarah was already there waiting for me.. camera in hand. I went and checked in and spoke with the Charge nurse.

CN: So was it one big gush or is it a slow drip?

Me: a Gush.

CN: I don't think your waters have broken, but we'll check ya anyways.

I went into the room they indicated and changed into my paper gown. A few minutes later a very nice young nurse came in and did an internal exam with what seemed to be litmus paper to see if my waters had broken. She kinda smiled and said your about 4 cms and your waters have broken.. looks like your having a baby.

I was admitted.

I turned on the TV to CNN where they were disecting the primary election poll results. At some point Dad and Barbara also showed up and they all started talking shop, as everyone in my family except me is in the medical profession.

At somepoint I asked for an epidural and was informed I would need to have IV fluids first, but she could give me a shot of narcotic pain releiver in the meantime. That stuff is awesome.

Shortly after I received that wonderful, amazing injection, the Nursing Supervisor of the entire hospital walked into my LDR room, checking up on my mom to see if she really left work for the reason she said, at somepoint I finally asked who she was in a tone that made it quite clear I wanted her to leave.

The rest is a blur. I remember that around 5 am the nurse checked and said that I was complete. Sarah, Barb, and mom all coached my practice-pushing as the nurse kinda chuckled and sat there, since they were pretty much doing her job. Around 5:30 am the Doctor on call, Dr. Susan Horvath came in and the room transformed from a comforting bedroom like environ to an almost operating room-like setting.

I pushed and pushed until the doctor said the baby's head was pretty big and asked for permission to do an episiotomy, I don't recall what I said but I remember thnking, " I don't care, do whatever you want." She did the incision and Luke was born.

I didn't feel that immediate overwhelming love that we all hear about. I thought he was adorable and I was glad he had hair but I didn't realize I loved him until he was a few days old, about the time we left the hospital.

Luke didn't have a name until we were about to leave the hospital. I chose Luke for it's meaning "bringer of light", I didn't really love the name but it was all I could think of and now Luke is totally a "Luke".. it just fits him.

A non-finance related post.

If anyone was wondering...

The title of my blog ,"For this I'll defend" is the Kincaid Clan motto.. The clan crest is a hand holding a sword in front of a 3-turreted castle, surrounded by a belt of-sorts... Which to me means, my home and family that is what is important,what I'll protect, what I will fight for.

For me family is everything, and my family motto just represents that so beautifully.

Luke is now 1 year and 1 week old, he started going to "daycare" 3 days per week at the beginning of this month. Daycare isn't really daycare as he is the only child currently there. The sitter is a friend's mother who is trying to start up a home daycare. I started sending Luke to the sitter's as I wanted to start working day shifts, so that both he and I could get on a better schedule and have more quality together time.

When I worked nights I would wake up around 8 am to get ready to go to work, leave about 10 am to get to work on-time for my 11 am shift.. work,work,work.. then get out of work at 8 pm, pick up Luke at my fathers around 8:30 pm, drive home, get home and crash about 9 pm.. only to get up the next day and do it all over again. My whole day revolved around work and all Luke and I ever did together was sleep. I just couldn't do it anymore, I felt like Luke was my parents child and I was just the chauffeur shuttling him between their homes.

So far working days has been great. I wake up around 4:30 am to get ready then Luke and I leave around 5 am or so for the sitter's house, I drop him off about 5:30 am and get to work just before my shift starts at 6am. I get off work at 2pm and get Luke from the sitter's. Luke and I play and play until about 5:3o pm when he gets grumpy, I feed him dinner and give him a bath before he and I both go down around 6:30-7pm.

I finally feel like his mother, I'm the one setting his schedule, I'm the one who sees his first steps, I finally know more about my son than my mother does!

Luke can now take 3 or 4 unassisted steps, before realizing what he's doing and promptly falling down. He can also say "Dog" and "Don't Touch!".... these aren't clear distinct words that everyone would recognize,but I do. Luke currently beleives that a computer is called a "Don't Touch!' as I say that everytime he even gets near my laptop, sad but true.

Luke and I haven't heard from his father since Luke was about 4 months old, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to except every once in a while when I look at Luke and realize he is the spitting image of Chance. I can only hope that one day when Luke wants to know who his father is that Chance will agree to meet with him. I cannot be bitter about this anymore, it doesn't do anyone any good.. it certainly doesn't help Luke in anyway.

I wish Chance all the best, truly.

My debts...

I thought since I post so often about my debt maybe I should post exactly what that debt is, so here goes...

Signature Loan $275
Credit Card A $315
Credit Card B $1300
Credit Card C $2000
Car Loan $9500

*I rounded all the figures up to an easier-for-me-to-add amount*

I'm not drowning in debt, by any means, I simple cannot stand the stress of making sure that I make the payment on time, that I have the funds available when they go to pull from my checking account, etc.

I look at my credit card statements and wonder what on earth I spent all that money on, I have nothing to show for it..except for the credit card statements!

I love Tax Season!

I maybe the only human being in America who absolutely loves tax season, it fills me with so much hope.

You see, although I work very hard I don't make much money, I literally live paycheck to paycheck... Yikes! However, that is my fault because I took on a lot of unnecessary debt, so this year my resolution is to be debt free, except for my car loan, by January 2009.

Where does tax season figure into all this you may be asking?

Well as I said, I don't make much money.. less than 20k per year...and I also have a child which means I will receive the Earned Income Tax Credit this year! I am expecting a refund of about $3000 for the tax year 2008, enough to pay off almost all of my debt!

I will use my entire tax refund to pay off my debts and what isn't covered by the refund will *fingers crossed* be paid off by June, which theoretically means I could go to working only part-time and be financially just fine. I would love to be at home with Luke more and *maybe* start taking some college courses.